KNOCK IT OFF, TED. YOU’RE DRUNK.
NO, NO, BABY. I’M SIMPLY INTOXICATED BY YOUR PRESENCE.
YOU ARE INTOXICATED BY THE “PRESENCE” OF THE FOUR MARGARITAS YOU HAD AT THE TACO PLACE.
I WOULD LIKE TO GO SOUTH OF YOUR BORDER, IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
YOU’RE COMPLETELY NOT SUPPORTING YOUR WEIGHT, TED. IT’S LIKE BEING SLOWLY CRUSHED BY A SOLID WALL OF TEQUILA.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD CRUSH BACK, IF YOU GET MY MEANING.
I GET YOUR MEANING, TED, AND I CATCH YOUR DRIFT. YOU’RE NOT PARTICULARLY SKILLED AT DOUBLE ENTENDRE.
I’M SKILLED AT DOUBLE HAVING SEX WITH YOU, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEA-
GOD DAMN IT, SIT UP STRAIGHT! I’M RUNNING OUT OF STICK!
DOES THE MOST HANDSOME BOYFRIEND IN THE ENTIRE SAVANNA HAVE A LITTLE HANGOVER?
I DON’T KNOW. DO YOU?
OH SHUT UP. WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE?
I PUT MY FACE ON YOUR FACE AND ABSORB IT THROUGH OSMOSIS.
SHUT UP TWICE. I LOVE YOU. DO YOU WANT TO GO ANTIQUING WHEN YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES ALL THE WAY? I WANT TO GET SOME NEW TABLES FOR THE DEN.
I ALWAYS WANT TO GO ANTIQUING. I WOULD GO ANTIQUING EVEN IF I WAS DEAD.
Gay love us a beautiful thing
From a fan, skirting the issue.
New Book Carvings by Guy Laramee
Chick-Fil-A busted on Facebook impersonating teenager who supports Chick-Fil-A.
Uh oh, Chik-Fil-A: Looks like your half-assed attempt to cover up the fact that the Muppets recently ended a partnership with you over your anti-gay views just hit a little roadblock called “anyone with a computer.” How does it feel to be outed? Sorry no one bought your airtight “kids are trying to finger their kids’ meal toys” defense (seen below), or your sassy new fictional tween spokeswoman. Maybe you should stick to what you’re best at: putting pickles on chicken sandwiches and alienating customers with your creepy religious views.
Via Happy Place
So this exists.
Latest Painting In Progress: ‘Laundry Day’ (Working Title) - 29”x24” gesso / graphite / acrylic on wood board.
“Here I go, mumbling.” x
ANIMATED GIF WIN!
big thanks to reddit user CaspianX2 for typing all this out!
What people call “Obamacare” is actually the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. However, people were calling it “Obamacare”…
WHY HAVE WE STOPPED?
I DID NOT COMMAND YOU TO STOP.
CEASE YOUR PLEBIAN GAWKING AND PERFORM YOUR FUNCTION.
OH, UM … GREETINGS, TRAVELER. I SEE YOU’VE RETURNED FROM THE VALLEY OF GROCERIES. I WAS JUST TAKING A STROLL UPON THE WHITE ROAD. YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT RUNS FROM THE KINGDOM OF FLUSHES TO THE RUGWOOD.
IT’S A VERY NEW ROAD, MAYBE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF IT.
I CAN SEE YOU’RE IN A HURRY. PERHAPS I’LL JUST DART OFF UNDERNEATH COUCH MOUNTAIN FOR A BIT UNTIL THE STORM IN YOUR EYES HAS PASSED.
YES. YES I THINK THAT’S BEST.